Mba Pima.

Udah lama engga posting. Udah lama engga curhat disini. Apa ini artinya hidup gue lagi baik2 aja?? Hmmm.. ngga juga.. ini artinya gw udah nemuin orang yg tepat buat curhat selain Blog. hehe.. 

Namanya Mba Pima. Usia skitar 4 taon diatas gw klo gasalah. Dia adek kelas abang gw pas SMA di Pati. Gw kenal deket ya baru setahun terakhir ini sih.. semenjak gw sering maen di kontrakan Jeruk (kontrakan dia pertama) lalu berpindah k kontrakan Rambutan.

Cocok awalnya adalah ketika pertama kali gw curhat soal gw gagal nikah taon kemaren.. Dia ga cuman ngehibur gw pas itu, tapi bener2 bisa bikin moodboster n kepercayaan diri gw yg waktu itu sempet drop, jadi naik banget. Tiap Sabtu n Minggu gw mampir k Rambutan, buat curhat, numpang makan, or sekedar nemenin dia masak.  Bisa dibilang hampir setiap weekend gw menghabiskan waktu di kontrakan dia. Yang tadinya gw bingung menghabiskan weekend di Semarang dari coffee shop satu ke coffee shop lainnya, setahun terakhir ini bahkan gw udeh gapernah nyatronin coffee shop manapun.. hahahaha.. karena gw udah punya 'rumah' untuk mengadu. #cieekkk

(to be continued)

NEVER LET ME GO

I saw this movie last nite. Starring by Keira Knightley. I thought she would be main character in here, but apparently not. Main character starring by Carey Mulligan as Kathy.

A love triangle develops between three friends (Kathy, Ruth and Tommy) who grew up at a remote English boarding-school and they make horrifying discovery about themselves. The stories begin with romance drama as usual, but what creepy is when they finally found out that the reason they exist only as organ donors for transplants, and will die – or, rather, "complete" – in their early adulthood. 

i'm a bit crying while watching this movie. It's more about: hows your feeling when you finally found out that your hope of living is taken for organ donation for someone else. Everyone in this world should have a right for living the life. A right for being happy. A right for everything, but so sudden all of it was taken very early. Their hope definitely has been destroyed.

HUMAN

I need to remind my self that i'm only HUMAN.

That can break any time. get hurt anytime also.

But my biggest fool is always letting someone so easily destroy me. Hurt me. and leaving me just-like-that.

I keep wondering all the time what actually happen. Is there anything wrong with me. all that mind's just killing me very slowly. It's true. I keep blaming my self for what happen. Every day.

And repeated as always.

Ksatria, Puteri dan Bintang Jatuh

#07:43pm

Friend of mine said that, these book could become your cure when you felt empty.

Let's see...

Note: lots of thanks for Mas Dian for borrowing me this book.

SUPERHEROES COLLAPSE #2: PAYBACK TIME!!!

#07:11pm

Yeah, we're back! only two months after first gigs, we're making another payback show, considering there's some bands failed to perform because of ACAB!

No preparation, no money and yes, i admit these kind of very reckless idea!hahaha

But this fun, we're fun! ^^

...

I am.

SUPERHEROES COLLAPSE #1 : "BECAUSE NOBODY CAN SAVE YOU"

#05:29pm

This could be one of my very very late post. After almost 2 years i'm back, staying in Semarang, finally i could make some music gigs again. Yeah, it's not that easy as it seems, remembering only have 5 members in this team; Dek Janet, Dek Olla, mba Rahma, Riska and me. But fortunately a lots of ACHC (Atlas City HardCore) buddies helps us also. Mas Botock, Mas Angga, Mas Chels, Maya, and many mooooreeee. We named us: HANTU MALAM...

We got only one month prepared for this gigs. Got amazing idea about: all of bands or audience should wear mask! a superhero mask! haha.. 

Then asking some of friends in Jakarta whose wanna come playing their band in Semarang at the end of February. Got very great response from them and finally we decided to invite 2 bands from Jakarta: Ejakula la Vampira (Horror Punk) and Proletar (Grindcore).

And here's the joy of SUPERHEROES COLLAPSE #1: "BECAUSE NOBODY CAN SAVE YOU"

INFERIORITY COMPLEX???

Yes, I am.

Met my other family

#10:27am

Bener2 gak bisa move-on sebenernya dari weekend minggu lalu. Gue sengaja cuti kantor satu hari Jumat lalu.
Tadinya niat mau anter mamah ke Bandara buat umroh, eh ternyata diundur schedule dari travel nya. Tapi ga gue sia2in gitu aja tuh cuti, gue berangkat buru2 naek kereta Kamis malem (dan apes nya sempet ada tragedi ketinggalan kereta).

Nyampe di stasiun Poncol sekitar jam 3 pagi, dan teetttoooottt... ga ada siapapun yg jemput gue di Pintu Keluar. Hahahaha.. yaps, ini pertama kalinya gue ga ada yg jemput di Stasiun.. biasanya entah itu pacar,mantan pacar, kawan ato bahkan gebetan... pasti ada aja yg jemput gue di sana. Wkwkwkkw.. emang gue sengaja ga hubungin satu orang pun sih, ga enak ngrepotin mereka (kenapa baru kepikiran ngrepotin sekarang, Rez! dari dulu kemane ajeee!) :)))

3 hari itu gue habiskan sama orang2 tersayang. Rufa, mamah, adek gue plus suaminya, Eka, Oge, Tri, Nurul, Rega, dll. Mereka adalah keluarga gue. Mereka adalah orang2 yang WAJIB gue temuin tiap gue balik Jakarta.. Orang2 yang selama ini support gue di segala kondisi, dan ga pernah ninggalin gue meski gue sempet gak waras beberapa saat yang lalu. Hahahahaha...

Tapi 3 hari ga cukup. Kurang banget. Masih pengen menghabiskan waktu sama mereka. Masih pengen heng ot rame2 sama mereka. Apalagi Rufa, dia lagi lucu2nya sekarang. Udah hampir bisa jalan, udah bisa ngoceh ga jelas. Duh, jadi pengen nyulik Rufa gue bawa balik Semarang, trus kirim balik pake TIKI. wkwkwkkwkwkw...

Intinya gue sayang mereka dan masih sangat kangen mereka.

Heart them a lot.

Electra Complex, am i??

#15:07pm

Electra Complex engga jauh beda sama Oedipus Complex, dan untuk Electra yg mengidap itu perempuan, yaitu kecenderungan seseorang jatuh hati dengan laki-laki yg berusia terpaut lebih dari 10 tahun, atau bahkan lebih.

Dan apa gue termasuk salah satu pengidap Electra Complex? uummm... bisa iya tapi bisa juga enggak sih. Dari dulu gue hampir ga pernah tertarik sama laki2 seumuran. Pernah sekali sih jaman kuliah semester awal, pacaran sama yg sepantaran umurnya, dan engga banget deh tuh cowo... Manja dan ketergantungan banget sama gue.. hidih banget. Engga lagi2 juga gue ulangin kesalahan yang sama.

Setelah itu beberapa kali gue menjalin hubungan asmara dengan cowo yg usia nya pasti lebih tua. Ada yg beda 5 taon, ada yg beda 7 taon, bahkan ampe yg 11 taon. Haha.. gue tertarik sama yg lebih tua karena gue pikir pasti doi bisa lebih mature, lebih mandiri dan gak ketergantungan gitu. Jadi seharusnya porsi laki2 dan perempuan dalam sebuah hubungan bisa seimbang. Take and give. Karena dsini gue merasa, sebagai seorang perempuan, gue udah bisa cukup tangguh nih jalanin hidup gue dari kecil.. gue jauh dr orang tua dr jaman gue SD, dan sampe saat ini bisa mencapai kecukupan seperti ini karena hasil jerih payah gue sndiri tanpa mengandalkan atau membebani orang tua... Jadi gue pikir, haruslah nanti yang jadi pasangan gue at least harus mandiri, bisa bertanggung jawab atas diri nya sndiri, dan yg terpenting adalah bisa tangguh dalam jalanin hidup. Dan semua kriteria yg gue sebutin barusan presentase besar dimiliki oleh para laki2 paruh baya usia 35 tahun keatas lah. Haha.. make sense kan.. meskipun ga semua laki2 yg udah berumur bisa dewasa.. banyak juga tuh laki2 udah usia 35 taon keatas tapi masih aja menye2, lebay, suka ngeluh dan bergantung idup sama orang lain. Trust me. bikin ilfeel setengah mati.

Pernah ada kawan yg tanya: Wahh, brarti bisa dibilang lo penyuka om2 donk, Rez??

Gue jawab: Kalo usia 35 tahun keatas udah bisa dibilang om2, lah iya jelas gue emang demen sama om2, tapi gak sembarang om2 lah ya. Yang jelas bukan suami orang ataupun pasangan orang. Dan pastinya si om2 itu harus pekerja keras, bertanggung jawab, open mind. Dan satu lagi, harus SETIA. hahahha, abisnya cape gue dr kmaren makan ati ketemunya cowo asshole mulu. :)))

Hurt.?

#11: 37am

" I hurt myself today, To see if I still feel...

I focus on the pain, The only thing that's real.." (Hurt) - Johnny Cash

Ketika denger lagunya Johnny Cash ini, jadi throwback 3 bulan yang lalu... kalimat di lirik ini bener2 gue alamin. Literally. Ketika itu gue berusaha menyakiti diri gue sndiri, cuman biar bisa nyaingin rasa sakit di dada, yg saat itu ngefek sangat hebat ke psikis gue. 

Hurting my hand, hurting my head, anything lah udah gue coba. Tetep belum bisa nyaingin sakit di dada gue. Kekecewaan, sakit hati, semua dateng bertubi-tubi. Air mata ngalir tanpa henti sampe gue pun bingung sendiri. Yak, psikis gue memang sedang bener2 goncang saat itu. Keluarga dan kawan2 terdekat hampir setiap hari berusaha kasih support moral. 

Fortunately, masa-masa itu udah sangat lewat. Bersyukur banget gue bisa 'sembuh' secepat ini. Bisa ngelupain? yaps, alhamdulillah pelan2 gue udah ga banyak inget soal dia. Bisa maafin? Hell no. Never. Karma will eat him alive. and haunt him. maybe not now, but soon. trust me. :) 

"..I will let you down, I will make you hurt.."

Feels lucky for having them

#09:27am

Yes, another surprise and another gift from different besties. Never expect that i have so many goods friends here in Semarang. I thought i'm always by myself all this time in here. See, sometimes you just never know what will comes to you next. Whether good or bad things happens to you, as long you have good friends surrounds you, and having your back it's all doesn't matter. Trust me. :)

Yes, LOTS LOVE in this 27.

#3:33pm

010115. No words could describe my feeling today. haha.. grateful? of course. Good things happen in this early year.

Lots of smiles, lots of hopes, lots of presents also. I got my family around (even not complete), also got good friends around.

Twenty-seven is like a cool number. And i hope also bring me a good luck in this new age. Amin. God blessed me. :)